Okay, so I know you are probably rolling your eyes right now just by reading the title of this but hear me out. I promise there are some things you’re going to like. Well hopefully.
First of all, I would like to say thank you. Weird, I know. It’s taken me awhile to get to this point but now that I’m here I thought you should know. It’s been a little while now since I found out about your little secret. Since I yelled at you in front of all of our friends. Since I lost a huge chunk of my heart to a boy who was once my best friend. I don’t think the anger I felt in that moment can ever be properly expressed so I am not even going to try.
Even after the initial shock, that anger persisted as was evident through our horrible and lovely series of awkward encounters. Getting to see you and her every day of the week was quite the emotion stirrer. Yet after weeks of pondering, you apologizing, and countless conversations with friends about how much of a jerk you are, I committed the cardinal sin: I gave you a second chance. That should be like the number one rule in the girl handbook, in my opinion, is to never give a cheater a second chance but I mean you live and you learn right? Everything seemed fine and dandy there for a while, I will admit. However now I just realize I was naively blinded again by those smooth words of yours and my lack of ability to recognize them even with my friends screaming it in my face. And then they were right. Because it happened again.
Despite the fact that I got to go through that whole heartbreak anger thing more than once, I don’t regret giving you that second chance. Most people probably think I’m crazy but let me explain. You allowed me to gain so much more wisdom for the future just by being an ass than you probably realize.
- You taught me to value how special I am.
So now I sound conceded, I know. But in reality, before you, I never really dealt with boys well. Sure I could survive in a texting conversation, maybe even throw in flirting every now and then, but I never stood up for myself in relationships at all. After you, I realize I never want to experience that feeling again so I will do everything in my power to make sure no one ever does it again. In other words, you brought out the whole “Bad Blood” Taylor Swift side of me that I so desperately needed a little in my life. I know who I am and I know that no one has the power over my happiness but me. So thank you.
- You taught me how to mend relationships that have no reason to be burdens in the first place.
Yeah that girl? We’re friends now. Of course you already know this. Because you hate it. And for a while we selfishly thought it was fun how much it bothered you, let’s be honest. Making the decision to reach out to her initially was probably one of the most vulnerable moments of my life. Here I was, texting the girl who had played a part in my pain saying that I wasn’t upset with her and that if she’d like, I’d really like to look past the whole situation. Many people thought I was insane. But you should know me well enough that when someone has a problem with me, I do everything in my power to understand why and to fix it in whatever way possible. And today, she’s such a good friend to me and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. So thank you.
- You taught me recognize who my real friends are
Throughout this entire ordeal, I obviously sought some counsel in my friends. There were those acquaintances who would act like they cared just to get all the details but people are nosy, that’s understandable. There were those friends who would, and still do, get angry even at the sound of your name. There were those friends who constantly asked how everything was going and were that “shoulder to cry on” but it’s not like I was going to waste any tears on you so they weren’t probably utilized as much. Although, they were greatly appreciated. But then there were those friends who challenged me to see how I could use this situation to become a better person. They would ignore me, almost in an anger way, until I finally woke up and realized that I was better than all of this and deserved to think of myself as such. That by far was the best and the worst part of this whole learning experience. But it really did toughen up my skin in an amazing way. So thank you.
- You opened my eyes to the maturity of relationships.
You know just as well as I do that we still are working to regain our friendship even over a year later. Lots of people were/are very skeptical when I say we are going to be friends, yourself included. At first I was worried about the possibility of getting sucked back into you, falling for those words out of that snake tongue of yours. But now that I’ve had a year to mature over it, I am completely willing to welcome you back into my life because I know that it’s no longer an issue of needing but wanting. You were my best friend, there’s no denying that. So why should we completely let that go? It seems silly to me although I know many people will probably disagree. But I am confident enough now to know that I have the control to allow you back into my life and stop you from coming too far if I need to. This realization was one of the most eye opening I’ve ever had. So thank you.
Even though I would never wish this experience on any girl, I hope that if it does happen, they gain the same confidence and maturity that I did. All in all, yes: you were an asshole. There’s no denying that. But in my own weird way, I’m glad you were. Because had you not been a cheating asshole, I would not be the person I am today. I wouldn’t be the more confident, slightly sassy, girl I’ve become. So thank you, truly.
…okay but you’re still an ass. Sorry too much?